Forgotten Memories and Remembered Dreams
by DarkPhoenix168
Summary: When Allen gets into a car accident, his dreams and his memories seemingly get switched around, but whether he's faking is anyone's guess. The only catch is that Lavi is no longer his boyfriend, it's Kanda. Yullen.
1. Chapter 1

**New story ^^ hope this is good, a new chappie for Serial Killings and Hero and Heroine coming up I promise you!**

**I hopw you enjoy this guys**

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Slivers of sun slipped though the wooden blinds to land on the exposed pale skin of the slim back, the white strands that fell in front of silver eyes illuminated in the morning light, his parted lips releasing a groan as the warmth began to awaken him, his mercury irises stirring as the eyelids fluttered open, his mouth closing as his nose inhaled deeply, his body squirming as he brought blood to his extremities. His body brushed up against the warm body of his late night partner, the head turning to look at the mass of red hair and closed green eyes as the arm was slung over the lithe waist, his own mouth open as he snored softly.

Allen was quiet as he wiggled his way out of the limp limb, his eyes finding the pair of grey jogging pants he wore before they had slithered off his body, the material settling on his hips before he tiptoed out of the room, the door closing softly behind him, the lips escaping a sigh before he turned around and nearly walking into the only other person who was awake at this godforsaken hour.

Cobalt eyes narrowed at the sight of the boy, his sculpted jaw tightening as he stared the younger down, the silver eyes giving no ground on their silent argument, the low ponytail swishing against his back as the elder moved towards the shower, his eyes looking over his shoulder before the contact broke, Allen feeling like he could breathe once again, his own feet carrying him to the kitchens, his stomach calling for something for breakfast.

The kettle glowed as Allen flicked it on, the water beginning to boil while the boy hung his head in his hands, his lips sighing once more in the five minutes he had awakened, the sound of the shower running echoing throughout the kitchen. The secret relationship between him and Lavi had been going on for a little over three months, only one month ago they had started sleeping with each other, only two weeks ago when their friends found out, Lenalee by telling her, Kanda by walking past Allen as the younger slipped out of his room, the younger's heart breaking as the Japanese just stared at him, the situation made worse when Lavi decided to sneak up behind him and hug him, his green eyes only just noticing Kanda watching the whole scenario and promptly started to explain to the other their situation.

Since day one in the Lee foster home, the grumpy Japanese snapped and bitched at every little move Allen made and the latter responded with equal vigour and attitude, the two of them often resulting in a fist fight. Over the three years, Kanda and Allen, along with Lavi technically too old for a foster home though chose to stay for university, continually fought and argued with each other, the younger unnoticing the growing feelings that were developing until they had festered and grown, matured to a strength that nothing could cut.

When the spiked mass of red hair had asked him out, Allen said yes without hesitation, hoping that if Lavi treated him, he might be able to erase the delusions of him and Kanda playing in his mind; the sex was the same story, his delusions had increased to an almost full-blown unhealthy obsession, dreams of the sweating muscled man towering above him was enough to leave the boy panting and sweating when he woke, his cheeks flushed heavily in both humiliation and exhilaration. Thoughts that he could perhaps have the redhead in his mind relaxed him slightly during the whole event, his victory short-lived when his mind replayed the night, but Lavi was given long, sleek black hair with a strong jaw, piercing dark cobalt eyes and a much deeper voice whispering the most sensual words into Allen's ear.

"Good morning."

A strong arm snaked around his waist as a head rested on his shoulder, the mass of red catching Allen's peripheral vision, his lips almost forcing a smile as his hand touched Lavi's arm.

"Morning Lavi," Allen murmured kindly, his thumb rubbing against the smooth flesh, his nose in the mass of hair.

"Where were you?" the elder of the two whined, "I woke up and you weren't there~"

"Sorry," the slender boy muttered bashfully, "I got hungry and didn't wanna wake you."

"Well wake me up," the redhead pouted, "I don't like waking up without you."

"But… you do when Komui is home."

"Shh!" Lavi teased, "those times don't count."

"And when you go out with your grandfather for research and when you're at parties at university and-"

"Dude, you're killing the mood," the redhead grumbled, his eyes looking from the shoulder to the silver eyes, a smile curling up in the corner of his lips as they gently pressed to Allen's cheek.

"I'm coming down the stairs!" a voice announced, "remove your tongues from whichever orifice you've shoved them in!"

Allen slid from his lithe lover as the sound of the descending steps of Kanda reach the ground floor, Lavi leaning on the countertop as he watched Kanda with calm eyes, a teasing smirk on his lips.

"You know Yuu," Lavi grinned, "it's perfectly natural for two people who love each other to show affection, it's perfectly natural response-"

"-so is nausea and vomiting," Kanda snapped grabbing the fully boiled kettle and filling a cup with it, the remainder shoved back on the stand.

"But Yuu~," Lavi started, knowing full well what sort of fire he was playing with, "if you're uncomfortable because you're jealous-"

"I am NOT jealous!" the Japanese snapped, "AND DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"Shh Yuu," the redhead teased, "you'll wake Lenalee."

Kanda grumbled as he shoved the tea leaved in the water, his eyes glowering as he practically stomped back up the stairs to his room, most likely to meditate, Allen watching his leave for as long as he dared, trying his hardest not to sigh as he thought once more about what he could have had, guilt racking through him as he thought of how unfair he was being with Lavi after all the redhead had done was care for him.

"Allen?"

Silver eyes turned to look at Lavi for a moment before he smiled.

"Yes? What is it?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah of course," Allen told him, "Kanda's just being an ass, no big deal."

Lavi nodded and reciprocated the smile, his hand rubbing Allen's head fondly before he put his focus into his own breakfast, the two cooking while the redhead decided to chat endlessly about every little thing that Allen had already heard ten times over.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in much the same fashion, Lavi rambling on and on about some unknown trivia while Allen listened with feigned interest, his smile forced but never looking it, Lenalee joined them after she had miraculously slept through Kanda's ranting, the Japanese retreating to his room and would have remained confined there had the young Chinese not banged heavily on the door, threatening him to tear it down if her didn't come out and join them, the glowering Japanese practically snarling at them, Allen biting back just as vehemently.

"Stupid Moyashi! Can't you even understand that!"

"Of course I can BaKanda! I'm not mentally retarded, I'm not _Yuu_!"

"First the cheeky rabbit and now you!? You both must wish to die together!"

"Oh you royal pain in my -"

"Alright!" a cheery voice cut in, "next person who bitches whines or complains is doing the grocery shopping today _and _you get to drive the lemon."

Both young men promptly closed their mouths at her threat, neither one of them wanting to drive the rusted yellow beater that Cross Marian had left them as a _gift_, something that _none _of the students thought was generous.

"But, he's the one that started-"

"Whining," the young woman informed him, the keys tossed to Allen's mismatched hands, Kanda smirking while the younger groaned, "off you go."

"But-"

"Off you go, little moyashi," Kanda teased, "_don't _forget my tea!"

"Oi! I am _not _your errand boy!"

"Beg to differ."

"Oh you son of a-"

"Hey hey," Lavi interjected, his hands held up, "let's all just take a break, alright?"

The fighting pair only looked at each other once more before the two of them huffed and turned away from the other, Allen stomping towards the front hall with Lavi on his heels while Kanda took up residence on the couch, a book in his hands as he buried his nose in it.

"You know," Lenalee sighed, "you could ease up on him, just for a minute."

"He doesn't care," Kanda dead-panned while the girl bristled, her purple eyes narrowing as she ground her teeth against the callous remark; Allen was a liar if he ever claimed that.

"Yes it does," she corrected him, her arms over her chest while the Japanese restrained himself from scoffing in her face.

"Then he can go cry on Lavi's shoulders," he informed her, "I'm sure that dumbass rabbit absolutely loves that."

"It's a good thing too because you've gotten ten times _worse _since you found out about the two of them," she snapped harshly before she turned on her heel and left Kanda to himself, the Japanese taking a keen interest on the words printed on the page while the chattering voices of the three other occupants flowed from the front hall, Lenalee handing the moyashi the money before she bade him a farewell, the cobalt eyes betraying him as Kanda watched while Allen and Lavi made their way down the stone path to the beater.

"You know," Lavi started once the two of them were out in the open air and the door was shut behind him, "I can always come with you."

"You know the trunk doesn't open and the passenger seatbelt is broken," Allen sighed as he walked down the bricked pathway, "I'll be fine on my own."

"But-"

"It's okay Lavi," the boy assured him as the key was fitted in the car door and was turned with extreme difficulty Allen thought he might break the key before the door opened, the rusted hinges creaking as it opened for him, "I'll be okay."

"I just don't like to leave you alone," the redhead pouted as he leaned on the hood of the car, "I worry that someone will take just one look at that ass and take it."

"Like you did?" Allen teased as he sat down in the horrid chewed up driver's seat, his feet on the pavement as he looked up at his boyfriend.

"Yeah, but I'm _allowed _too," Lavi grinned as he leaned down to touch his lips to Allen's, the younger smiling before his silver eyes caught the Japanese looking at the two of them from the living room, his chin in his palm and a book on his lap, the cobalt eyes turning back to his novel once theirs met.

"Um, I'll uh-I'll see you later then," Allen mumbled as his hands pressed against the chest, Lavi's green eyes filled with confusion, "I need to get going if I wanna miss traffic."

"Yeah, sure thing," the red head smiled broadly, his hand ruffling his white locks, "stay safe and come home to my arms."

The boy laughed at his boyfriend's dramatics, the door slammed shut before the car started up and was led slowly and carefully down the driveway, the boy guiding the vehicle onto the main roads before long, Lavi standing in the drive for as long as he dared before the cold nipped at him as forced him inside, his smile unmoveable as he hummed a cherry tune.

It was his boyfriend in the car that was not so jovial, his lips sighing for the millionth time in the day as he continually wondered how long he'd pine over Kanda and how guilty he felt about seeming to string Lavi along with all of this, the redhead doing nothing to deserve being used as Allen felt himself doing. He never used Lavi to get the Japanese jealous, while it was only half of Kanda's nature, he'd never react to it the way one would want, he'd merely brood and get harsher and crueler.

A honking behind Allen startled him out of his thoughts, his eyes looking towards the changed green light before he slowly made his way to the intersection, his silver eyes not catching the speeding black truck until it hit him.

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**Well? Hated it, loved it, stop writing? anything? Reviews please ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ha Ha! got this one updated ^^**

**Lemme know what you think!**

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The boy lay in the hospital bed, his snow white hair that wasn't confined to the bandage around his head was splayed on the hospital's pillow, the machines beeping with his breath and heartbeat, Allen looking frail and breakable under the horrid gown and bed sheets. His face fared no better, the bruises and cuts along it marring his pale skin, the already prominent scar on his face indistinguishable from the other marks in the flesh.

His friends had all gathered within the hour of the accident, the ever stoic Kanda even showing up, his normally impassive face now holding an unreadable emotion after several hours of surgeries and doctors running in and out of the white room. Their bated breath finally relinquished when the doctor walked out of the room, the three friends gathering around him as swiftly as possible.

"How is he?"

The doctor looked around at all of them, his glasses taken from his coat pocket to slip up his nose, his blue eyes reading over the medical charts.

"Physically, he'll heal, we put him through several surgeries but he'll pull through," the man cleared his throat at the sight of their relieved faces, "however, due to the trauma of the accident, we believe he's suffered some brain-damage."

"Br-Brain…" Lenalee trailed off while Lavi looked on the verge of sickness or fainting, potentially both, and Kanda even looked shocked, his eyes widening while his jaw slacked.

"Slight memory loss and confusion," the man explained softly, "we don't believe it'll be permanent."

"So," Lavi whispered, "he doesn't remember us?"

"Perhaps memory loss isn't the best term for it," the doctor pressed, "see, he can't seem to distinguish between his fantasies and realities. Some of the memories he had _now _could be falsified and some thoughts that he thinks aren't real are."

"So… what, does he think flying unicorns are going to prance into his room?" Kanda asked, prompting a crying Lenalee to snap at him.

"Kanda!"

"It's alright," the man interjected, "no, not to that extent. But, say you wanted to be friends with someone, so much so that you inadvertently create fantasies about the two of you actually _being _friends; in Allen's case, that fantasy would become a reality now, he'd think the two of them really were close. Just be careful, he remembers things just fine but he can discern them from his imagination."

"So…" Lavi tried, "he _does _remember us?"

"Yes," the man smiled, "but he might think that the 'what if' scenarios he conjured up in his mind could be real, I suggest excising caution around him, he might confess something he didn't intent too; he is awake now, you can go see him, but be careful, he's a little groggy."

"Have you told him about-"

"We have," the man admitted, "but his brain has him convinced that what he "remembers" is real, like I said, be careful with what you say and do. I suggest using a broad association about things when talking to him, don't be specific, let him lead the conversation."

"Right, thank you," Lavi breathed as the man nodded to them, his black shoes turning from them to the desk, the man's head hunched over as he began filling out charts. "So, um-"

"You should go see him first," Lenalee told him, "you're his boyfriend after all, he'll want to see you."

"Right" the redhead nodded as he sighed, his body inhaling deeply before he slipped into the room, the door shutting softly behind him, but not before the other two heard the words, "hey buddy."

Lavi spent the most he could with the injured boy before he walked out about twenty minutes later, his head hung and his eyes bordered on tears, all traces of the resolve he had before stepping into the room gone.

"Lenalee," he told the young woman thickly, "you uh-you should go see him."

"Lavi are you-"

"I'm fine," the redhead told her, "he just… he just looks really bad."

The young woman nodded as the red head took a seat, his nose stuffed and sniffing as he gulped down large quantities of air.

"You alright rabbit?"

Surprised tearing green eyes looked up at Kanda before a smile slipped on his lips.

"You know something's wrong when Kanda asks if you're okay," Lavi muttered softly, "but yeah, I'm fine, thanks Yuu," he sniffed, "he just looked so broken and fragile in that bed and there was nothing I could do to help him."

"Moyashi's too damned stubborn to die," Kanda told him, "you know that better than anyone."

"Thanks, Kanda," the redhead smiled, "I'm just thankful that he's still alive and here, with me."

The Japanese nodded once, "did he say anything specific to you?"

"No," Lavi shook his head, "I kept everything vague like how are you feeling, what do you remember, things like that," his shoulders shrugged, "he gave me straight answers, I kissed him on the temple, and then left."

"Did you see any sign of the confusion the doctor talked about?

"No," the other sniffed slightly, "not that I could tell, he seemed a little groggy though."

"Well, that's one good thing at least," Kanda murmured softly while Lavi sniffed and nodded, his lungs inhaling deep breaths of oxygen.

The two waited outside the room while Lenalee talked with Allen, sounds of her slight sobs emanating from the room while Lavi eventually calmed himself down enough to sit quietly in the chair, Kanda remaining impassive as he leaned against the doorway, his arms over his chest until the slim Chinese young woman slipped out of the room, her hand wiping away a few stray tears.

"Kanda, you can go see him now."

The Japanese looked over at Lenalee, the young woman smiling with sadness as the glass door slid behind her, her feet taking her to where Lavi sat, the redhead's head in his hands as he faced mixed emotions.

"I don't think-"

"Just go in and say hi," the Chinese woman told him softly, "it won't kill you."

Kanda Che'd softly, Lenalee ignoring the mutterings under his breath that if it _did _kill him, he'd at least be in a hospital. The door slid shut behind him, the dark cobalt eyes looking from the floor to the figure on the bed, the silver eyes half-lidded but caught his movements, the lips forming a soft smile in his direction.

"Hey Kanda," the boy murmured softly as the Japanese took the seat next to the bed, his arms crossed over his chest as his legs were over the other.

"Looks like you're up, moyashi," the elder murmured, his eyes looking over at the slim body.

"Yeah," Allen sighed softly, shuffling under the covers to pull himself up on the propped up pillows as he turned his head to the Japanese, "I'm sorry."

"Hm?" Kanda asked, "for what? What did you do _now_?"

The boy chose not to bristle at the comment, but chuckle softly, dark eyebrows raising in curiosity.

"For making you worry," Allen told him as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"I wasn't worried," the Japanese told him bluntly, the kind smile on the younger's face hardly faltering for a moment.

"I should have known," the boy murmured, "you never worry, Kanda."

"You make it sound like a good thing," Kanda grumbled as the silver eyes looked over at him with calmness.

"Yes and no," Allen admitted, "it makes you an incredibly stable rock though it does give off the impression that you just don't care."

"That's because I generally don't," Kanda grumbled quietly as he stood up, "look, moyashi, I shouldn't have come, I'm gonna-"

"Kanda, wait!"

The Japanese was surprised at the strength Allen's injured hand as it grabbed onto his wrist, his own toned form pulled towards the bed, his arms stopping him as he now held his body over the mattress.

"Oi! Moyashi-"

Words were cut off by a pair of soft, albeit bruised and cut, lips on his, the cobalt irises widening at the feeling while a soft hand covered his own and a second gently cupped his cheek, Allen's eyes closed gently at the contact.

"You didn't think I'd let you leave without a kiss goodbye," Allen teased softy, his thumb rubbing the shocked man's cheek, a soft laugh escaping his lips at the sight of Kanda's surprised face, "why do you looked so stunned?"

"B-But… M-Moyash…"

In response to Kanda's stammering, a smiling Allen leaned into the other for a second kiss, their lips touching briefly before the Japanese's body was shocked into action, the hand on his cheek smacked away as he backed into the wall, the chair he was sitting on toppling while his cobalt eyes glared at Allen while the silver looked back in confusion.

"Kanda, what-"

"WHAT THE FUCK MOYASHI!?" Kanda growled, the volume and harshness making Allen flinch.

"Wh-What do you-"

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST KISS ME!?"

"Kanda, keep your voice down!" Allen pleaded, his fingers to his lips as he looked worriedly at the door.

"KEEP MY-" cobalt eyes turned to the door before his voice became a hushed and harsh whisper, "keep my voice down! You sprung that on me and you want me to keep my voice down!"

"I-I didn't mean to startle you," the younger murmured, his silver eyes looking up at the other worriedly, "I-I just…"

A hand touched the crown of white hair, his face scrunching as he groaned.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, "there's just this feeling that I'm forgetting something and I thought that it might involve you so-"

"So you kissed me?!"

"It's what I always do when we're alone, when you need to go and it's just me" Allen told him, his eyebrows knitting in confusion, "why is this such a big surprise to you?"

"You _always_-"

"Ever since we started dating yeah," the corner of the boy's lip curled, "I thought _I _was the one with amnesia."

Shock slipped into the elder's face, his eyes widening at the words while his jaw slacked slightly.

"Since we…" he trailed off as looked as their eyes met, "what do you-"

"About five months back, you agreed to go with me to the park, alone, in the middle of the night," Allen smiled fondly, "that was our first date… and our first kiss," his silver eyes looked over at Kanda with a faint blush on his bruised face, "you've always been direct and up front."

"B-But… wha-" Kanda stammered at the confession the spilt from the lips that bravely kissed him, his own brain spilling a million miles an hour as he tried to form his thoughts from what Allen had just admitted, pieces falling into their places, "wait… you mean… OH HELL NO!"

"Hell no what?" now it was Allen's turn to look confused, "and will you _please _keep your voice down! We're in a hospital and you're the one that wanted our relationship to be kept a secret-"

"We-our-" the elder swallowed back the scream that threatened to spill from his lips, his body taking in a deep shuddering breath to calm himself. "Moyashi," he started, "listen to me very carefully, you were in a car accident, you are experiencing both confusion and amnesia and-"

"Is everything alright?"

Both heads turned to the sound of the voice, the doctor peeking his head in and looking curiously from one to the other, his face calm.

"We would like to ask you to please keep your voices down, there are other patients in his hospital."

"Sir!" Kanda started, the doctor's retreating back turning to look at Kanda, "did-did you-"

"Mr. Walker is fully aware of his situation," the man nodded, "but we would advise that you do _not _make his mind any more stressed, we don't know what the result could be."

"Don't-wait-what!?" Kanda stepped up to the doctor to whisper in his ear much to the curiosity of the younger, "do you mean to tell me to _play along_?!"

"Not in so many words," the doctor told him, "but… just treat him with care, let him down _easy_, just until he regains his memories."

"B-But-"

"I'm sorry sir, but I need to see to another patient. Is there anything else you need?"

"N-No," Kanda stammered, his cobalt eyes risking a glance to Allen, "th-that's it, thank you."

The man nodded to the two of them and left them to themselves, Kanda standing in slight shock before he turned to the boy smiling at him from the pillows, the firm jaw tightening as he swallowed thickly, his feet slowly approaching his new boyfriend, wondering just how the was going to let Allen down easy. Cobalt eyes met silver as he took his seat beside Allen, the boy smiling as he reached to take his hand, Kanda feeling unease settling in his stomach as he prayed that the boy's memories would be regained before he did something he'd regret.

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**Sooo? Reviews please ^^**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ha Ha! New chappie ^^ hope you enjoy it ^^**

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A small growl slipped from Kanda's mouth, the streaming sunlight had done nothing to brighten his mood nor had the book in his hands done anything to relax him, his body too tense and his mind too alert. It had been two weeks since Allen's discharge from the hospital, two weeks that Kanda had been avoiding him alone and actually preferred to keep to Lavi and Lenalee, Komui only coming back for the first week from the accident to make sure the boy was okay, the young man staying in bed for the first little while before he took to walking on shaky legs, the car miraculously keeping him from breaking anything save for a small hairline fracture on his arm.

Kanda ran into him for the first time one morning after the younger started moving, the boy standing by the kitchen kettle, his mass of white hair turning to smile softly at him, the Japanese stilling on the stairs, debating whether or not to approach the confused young man, his lips sighing softly as he finally decided to continue his morning routine.

"Morning Kanda," Allen murmured, his silver eyes watching the elder reach for the cabinet, "oh, I already got your cup."

Cobalt eyes glanced down to look at the singular white china mug, his eyebrow rising.

"You've only got one out," the elder pointed out, continuing to rifle through the cabinet.

"Yeah," the younger started, his tone indicating the other was missing the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't drink tea or coffee in the morning, I always put the kettle on for _you_."

Kanda froze as he digested Allen's words, his mind spinning as he thought back to the validity of the younger's statement; every morning he had come down to find the kettle already boiling, the only thing the Japanese had to do was measure out his tea leaves as pour the water. His shocked state was broken by a slim form slipping under his arm to come between the countertop and Kanda, his eyes glancing down to the younger's grin, arms surrounding his neck while his hips here flush against the other's.

"We're alone," Allen grinned, his voice suggesting, "and I'm feeling better."

"Moyashi-"

"Hmm?" the white hair tilted, "it's Allen Ba-Kan-da," the younger grinned, his finger touching the Japanese's nose in time with the syllables.

"Don't DO that," Kanda growled, his eyes narrowing while the younger laughed softly, slipping from the warm body.

"You hate people touching your head," Allen rolled his eyes as he gripped the kettle full of boiled water, "yeah, _I know_."

"So why-"

"I can't tease my boyfriend?" the younger asked as he filled the mug, the leaves rising with the water level, the steaming mug handed to Kanda with a soft smile, the elder surprised to see that it was the first time his eyes smiled too.

"Uh, thanks," Kanda murmured, accepting the cup, Allen smiling wider before he followed the elder to the living room, the boy practically pressing his thigh to the elder's, his shoulder leaning into his thought to be lover.

"So," the younger started, his eyes hopeful, "since I'm up and at 'em… you wanna do something tonight?"

"Like what?"

Allen shot across the couch with such a speed it was as though Kanda had shocked him, his body instantly relaxing on the other end by the time Lavi had come round the corner, his own body dressed in loose boxers and a grey t-shirt, his red hair held in his bandana and his smile teasing as he took his place beside Allen, his arm slinging across the slim shoulders, his green eyes turned to Kanda, unable to notice the look of discomfort on the younger's face.

"So?" Lavi pressed, "what do you guys wanna do tonight?"

"Well-uh-"

"Why don't we celebrate Allen getting out of the hospital," the redhead suddenly exclaimed, "it'll be fun! We could go out to that new Italian place; I hear it does a _fantastic _clam linguini!"

"Actually-"

"Dinner sounds like fun," Allen piped up, his false smile slipping onto his face, "but, maybe we could go to that sushi restaurant?"

"Sushi huh?" Lavi tilted his back in thought, a wide grin breaking out on his face, "that sounds great to me! I know you're already in Kanda cause that's your favorite and Lenalee's up for anything that we do together-"

"I'm not going," the Japanese grumbled, his arms over her chest, his face set.

"Of course you are," the younger smiled as he tilted around Lavi to look at his lover.

"Says who?"

"Oh Lenalee!" Allen called out, his voice ringing throughout the house, "wanna go out to sushi with all of us?"

"Oh!" the girl squealed in delight as she ran down the stairs, her eyes bright, "that sounds great!"

"Oh, but… Kanda doesn't think he's going to come," the younger simpered, Kanda glowering at him while Lenalee turned her sights to the Japanese.

"What?! Why not?!"

"I just don't want to go," the elder pointed out, "I don't have to if I don't want to."

"Too bad," Lenalee snapped, "you're going, and if I have to tie you to the roof of the car to make it so, I will."

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"Okay so, who wants what?"

The Japanese sulked as the three companions chatted excitedly about the various dishes they were adventurous enough to try, Kanda preferring to stick with his regular soba and tempura with green tea. Contrary to Lenalee's threat, she did not have to tie the Japanese to the roof of the car to get him to come; since their yellow beater was totaled, much to Allen's shame, Komui lent them his sleek black Acura for the time being, Kanda insisting that if he was forced to this, he was driving, Allen thankfully taking residence in the back seat with Lavi with Lenalee in the passenger seat.

Kanda suddenly gasped at the feeling of a hand on the edge of his knee, his cobalt eyes darted to the young man sitting next to him, Allen's face calm and his eyes interested in the menu before he looked up to Lenalee requesting his next order.

"Kanda?" Lavi asked from the opposite side of Allen, "you alright?"

"Of course I'm fine," Kanda snapped, "can you get me some soba?"

"Already put down," Lenalee told him smartly, "_and _your tempura."

"Thanks," the elder grumbled, his hand gently pushing away Allen's, a cheeky grin flashing on the younger's face for a moment before it feel back to his normal, Kanda's confusion replaced by shock when the hand returned to his leg, the Japanese deciding to ignore the feeling.

Allen flashed his grin for a moment longer before he began gently rubbing the leg, his hand moving back and forth over the pant leg before it traveled slowly to the inner thigh. Kanda felt his fist tightening unconsciously at the feeling of the hand rubbing up and down his thigh slowly, Allen's thumb moving against the jeans while he simultaneously entertained a conversation with Lavi, his other hand propped upon its elbow and his fist in his cheek, his smile teasing to Kanda. It was only when his hand tried to go higher did the Japanese's finally cover the other's, pushing it off of him as he stood from the table muttering about how he needed the bathroom to wash up.

Cold water splashed over the Japanese's face as he tried to calm down, his hands supporting himself over the basin as he took deep breaths. Just _what _moyashi had conjured up in his fantasies about the two of them were becoming increasingly clear in Kanda's mind. Thus far, Allen had evidently wished for _him_ to be his, not Lavi, and the way he was trying to tempt and tease him, he had imagined them close, _very _close, intimate even.

"You feeling okay, Yuu?"

Kanda turned to the sound of the voice and approaching footsteps to see Lavi stand beside him, the red head washing his own hands in the sink, his green eyes glancing to him.

"Fine," the Japanese snapped, "and _don't_ use that name!"

"Right, sorry," Lavi grinned, "crazy two weeks huh?"

"How do you mean?"

"Well," his hands dabbed themselves on the towel, "Allen got himself hurt really bad but he looks like he's gonna be okay and with none of that confusion stuff the doctor was talking about."

"I… beg your pardon?"

"See, I talk to the doctor about us and he said I should maybe take it real slow with him, quiz him and stuff about the two of us, that kinda thing."

"But… what if he _was _confused and just didn't let on," Kanda asked, praying that the rabbit was too caught up in his own hormones to notice his innuendo.

"Like… what?"

"He hasn't been… _close _to you recently so… maybe he doesn't remember the relationship."

"Yeah," Lavi suddenly laughed, "that's funny Yuu! And you said you weren't good at jokes."

"Wh-What…"

"Come on, _why _would he want to date anyone but me?" Lavi asked, his grin cheeky, "besides, his _fantasies _would be switched around with reality; he wouldn't fantasize about anyone but the person he's dating!"

Kanda just stared at the young man in front of him as he flicked the water from his hands, his head nodding to the Japanese as he made his exit. Sighing deeply, Kanda pushed up from the mirror back to what promised to be one of the longer dinners of his life, thankful that it only lasted just under two hours, less so when Lavi and Lenalee insisted that they were going to leave the two of them alone while they went out to get the younger a surprise for getting better.

"Kanda."

The Japanese glanced up from his book to a now determined-looking Allen, the boy saying nothing more before he suddenly straddled the elder's hips, Kanda looking shocked as he unconsciously glared up at the silver eyes.

"I've had it!"

"Care to explain," Kanda growled up at him, "just what are you doing on me?"

"I've been out of the hospital for two _weeks _now!" Allen told him, "and not _once _have you kissed me or hugged me or touched me or come to see me-"

"Listen here Moyash-"

His words were cut off by a pair of soft lips over his own, the boy's eyes closed gently as he tried to encourage Kanda to become a more active participant in their actions, the elder seemingly shocked as he tried to make sense of the entire situation. Gently, Kanda found his hands and attempted to push the boy off of him, his actions stopped by equally soft mismatched hands covering his.

"What's wrong Kanda," Allen asked as he parted from the other, his silver eyes smiling as his face did, his voice slightly breathy, the boy leaning over to whisper in the Japanese's ear, "you don't like it?"

"Alright, stop!"

Silver eyes looked down in a mixture of confusion and worry as strong arms pushed his lithe form off the other's chest, Kanda looking up at the boy with narrowed eyes.

"Moyashi," Kanda sighed, "we need to talk."

"D-Do you not like me anymore?"

Cobalt eyes widened in surprise as tears bloomed in Allen's eyes, the boy swallowing thickly before he pressed on.

"A-Are you… _breaking up with me_?"

"Wh-What! W-Wait, moyashi-"

"I-I get it," the boy sniffed, "n-no, you don't need to explain, I-I get it."

"Moyashi-"

"I-I'm sorry f-for bothering you-"

"Moyashi stop!"

The boy turned to look at the young man who held his arm, the elder sighing before he pressed on.

"Will you… calm down," Kanda murmured, his eyes looking at the younger that tried to leave in a rush, "I-I just think, because of the accident, things should be taken slow around you, that's all."

"S-So… you're _not _breaking up with me?" Allen pressed, Kanda's eyebrow raised in confusion, making a mental note to ask the doctor if his thyroid gland got damaged at all.

"We not technically not dating," the Japanese muttered under his breath, the younger thankfully unable to hear his words.

Kanda returned to his book with Allen still standing beside him, his tears having since calmed while his face appeared thoughtful for a moment before he moved towards the Japanese, his body sliding beside Kanda, his head snuggling against the chest under the arm, his hips to the seats and his back to the cushions, Kanda looking at him in surprise and slight anger.

"Oi!"

"I'm taking it slow," Allen mumbled as his lids gently fluttered shut, his lips smiling softly, "just like you suggested."

Kanda grumbled but said nothing as the boy adjusted himself on the Japanese, his hand coming got rest on the muscled chest, his leg snaking around the other's, Allen humming softly in contentment. The Japanese found the boy on his chest was not as uncomfortable as he thought, his body adjusting slightly before he relaxed, the crown of white hair settling comfortably, Kanda entirely unaware of when his hand slipped over the other's hip and rested there, Allen smiling wider still at the feeling of closeness.

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**Reviews? Many reviews? Hope it's not too fast.**


	4. Chapter 4

**As I mentioned, two for two, so here's the second, enjoy ^^**

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A deep sigh escaped the parted lips as Kanda's cheek hit the soft pillow on his mattress, his body settling in for a mid-afternoon nap, the drawn blinds casting his room into darkness as he thankfully relaxed from the stressful past week. His aversion of Allen had ceased only slightly, the younger sneaking touches when the others weren't looking, his fingers grazing his thighs, arms, or hand whichever happened to be closest to him, the Japanese refusing to encourage him but neither deterring him, only pushing away when Allen got too close for his comfort.

His body stretched before the muscles relaxed and he settled in for what promised to be a refreshing nap, his mind desperately needing the freshness to think of what to make of the entire situation he had found himself landed in. Half of him wanted to slap Allen and shake the sense into his slim form, yell at him that they weren't romantically involved, that the feelings the younger had for him were nothing but figments of his imagination, that since the memories and dreams were switched around, he needed to remember what was _really _true about him.

Yet the other half of him…

As sickeningly small part of him found no issue to the constant touches and even some of the kind remarks Allen gave him, a refreshing break to the constant bickering and fights that used to ensue between them.

Cobalt eyes closed as he let his breathing become languid, his breath deepening as he slept peacefully onward, his dreams blissfully blank until whispers slipped into his ears, the lips turning to kiss the crook of his neck, an unconscious hum resonated in his throat, hands gently roaming his torso before they slid under his shirt, the texture of the hand odd enough to only have one origin.

"OI!"

Kanda's eyes flung wide as he shot up from his bed, his body turning to the sight of Allen landing back on his mattress, his silver eyes mischievous as his lips turned from surprise to a teasing smile, his body adjusting to something of a sensual nature.

"You're up," Allen practically purred, his legs slipping to straddle the elder's hips, his arms slipping around Kanda's neck, "good."

"_What _the hell!?" the Japanese snapped, his eyes narrowed, "what are you doing?"

"Would think that obvious," the lips brushed against the strong neck as the younger pressed his chest even closer to his thought to be lover, "it's been too long."

"You promised take this slow," Kanda tried to reason with Allen, his body struggling to back away from the younger's surprisingly strong grip.

"I waited another week," a small smirk slipped onto the pale lips, "too long in my opinion."

"Moyashi-"

"I missed you," Allen whispered as his hand slid under the shirt to brush over the defined abs, "make me _feel _you."

"Enough!"

Allen felt his back slam into the carpeted ground, the wind knocked out of his lungs before he took it back with a strangled gasp when the elder positioned himself on top of him, the euphoria of having Kanda's hand slip between his lower garments was short lived once the hand gripped him tightly, causing immense pain to radiate throughout his body.

"Kanda, let up-"

"Stop fooling around!" Kanda practically growled as a fist pounded on his chest while the other tried to pull the hand from his body.

"Kanda stop it!" Allen cried, tears slipping down his cheeks, "that hurts!"

"Last time I'm warning you," the Japanese snapped, his hand squeezing the younger's member harder, squeaks of protest spilling from Allen's lips, "knock this shit off!"

"Please stop!" the sweet voice begged sobbing, his hands pressed against the strong chest, "I-I'm sorry!"

"Now enough of this," Kanda told him, his hand relinquishing the struggling younger, Allen turning on his side sobbing, his body curling in on itself while the older pushed off the floor, his feet stepping over the crying boy to the sink, his hand shoved under the pouring water.

A shuffling reached his ears as a sniffling Allen pushed himself up of the floor, his clothes readjusted before he all but bolted up the stairs, tears still falling down his face as he mumbled a hasty and tearful apology to Kanda. The Japanese felt his body flinch at the sound of the slamming door, the sobs quieted by a scarred hand to the lips as the door to Allen's own room slammed shut. Kanda's hair shook as he tried to clear from his mind what he had just done to Allen, telling himself that lessons needed to be learned at that Allen was one of those people that needed his lessons to be firm and complete, he wasn't one to give up on something, the accident didn't change that.

"What was all that?"

Cobalt eyes looked up to see Lavi slipping up the stairs, his hand on the railing as he made to make his way up to the source of the slamming doors.

"Hey Kanda," the red head started, "what was all that about?"

"Moyashi just… walked into my room unannounced," Kanda explained, "I was in the middle of my nap and he startled me and I just… reacted."

"Is he okay?" Lavi asked concerned, his brow creasing.

"He seemed fine to me," the Japanese brushed off as he stepped to the ground floor, his hands folded into his pockets as Lavi continued up the stairs, Kanda walking in on Lenalee bent over a menu, her finger trailing down the varieties with the phone balanced in her hand.

"Hi Kanda," she smiled upon seeing him, "I'm too lazy to cook so we're ordering pizza, what do you want on yours?"

"I don't," Kanda stated bluntly as he pulled a can of soda from the fridge, "I'll make something for myself later on tonight."

"Sharing a cheese with me, got it," Lenalee muttered as she punched the number into the phone, "Allen will eat anything so I'm getting him and Lavi half deluxe half meat lovers, sound good?"

"Whatever," the Japanese called as he slipped to the couch, his body relaxing as he pulled the novel he was reading, his eyes had barely gone past the first few words when Lavi made his way down to the stairs, Kanda's heart feeling as though it had stopped when the red head made his way over to him.

"How's the moyashi feeling?"

"He's really upset," Lavi told him, his arms crossing over his chest as he took a seat beside the other, "tells me he's just a bit hormonal and overreacted, that's what the doctor told him and us so…"

"You're not buying it."

"I'll admit he's been a bit more emotional lately," the red head admitted, "he seems happier lately and he's been nicer to you."

"Thanks for the news flash," Kanda grumbled as Lavi pressed on.

"But I don't know, it seems like something else is bothering him recently and he won't talk to me about it," his green eyes flickered to the Japanese before a grin broke out on his lips, his hand patting Kanda's knee, "but he's remembered almost everything and the doctor says he's getting better, so if all he needs to heal is a little space, then I'll give it to him."

"At least there isn't any more bickering," Lenalee's voice carried from the kitchen, "it's been almost eerily quiet-hello? Yes hi-"

"She's right," Lavi nodded lounging on the couch as he stretched out, picking up the conversation from the young woman ordering their dinner, "it's been nice and calm here without all the death glares and snide comments, though I agree with Lenalee, kinds creepy at times."

"Thanks," Kanda grumbled as he buried his nose in his book.

"Oh come on Yuu! I know he's been a little… off, but he got in a car accident and he's getting better, getting more involved with us and bit by bit he'll get back into the swing of things until he's back to normal."

"Can't come too soon," the Japanese breathed as the red head practically bounced away from him, his mutterings going unheard.

It was only half an hour later that Kanda was called by his friends, the pizza carried from the front door with great care by Lavi's hand while Lenalee called up the stairs to Allen, concern on both their faces when no sound came in response.

"Is he alright?" the Chinese young woman asked, her purple eyes full of concern turned to Lavi.

"He was still upset when I visited him," his green eyes turned to Kanda, "what the hell did you say to him?"

"I just snapped at him like usual," Kanda retorted, "nothing for him to cry over."

"He's _just _been through an accident," Lenalee fumed, "his emotions are a little out of sorts."

"His _brain_ is a little out of sorts-"

"KANDA!"

Both figures jumped at the sound of Lavi's furious voice, his green eyes normally so calm were narrowed in anger.

"Just-Just get upstairs and apologize to him," the red head told him, his voice shanking, "and _don't _call him that! He might be on the mend but he is NOT damaged!"

"Lavi-"

"Just go!"

For once Kanda complied without any arguments or glares, the shaking limb by the redhead's side was enough to tell him that the normally calm and happy young man was in no mood for it.

"Oi, Moyashi."

Kanda peered into the bedroom, his eyes catching the sight of the younger curled up in on himself, his back to the door and his arms around his knees.

"Moyashi," the Japanese tried again, his voice softer as he approached the younger, his head tilted slightly in confusion, "didn't you hear them calling for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry," Allen mumbled sadly, his voice barely above a whisper.

"It's pizza," Kanda pressed, "thought you liked that."

"Not hungry," the other repeated as the elder stepped around the bed to look at him, guilt racking the strong body and his heart clutched at the sight of Allen.

The silver eyes were rimmed and puffy, his pale skin held evidence of tears and his nose too was red, the tiredness in them evident of his crying bout.

"Is-Is this about… this afternoon?" Kanda asked softly, unsurprised by the small nod Allen gave him.

"You hurt me," Allen murmured, tears pricking his eyes once more and his lower lip quivering, "you really hurt me."

"Moy-" the Japanese stopped himself, his body standing over the curled up form of Allen's before he sighed, the red-rimmed silver eyes watching as he lowered to sit on the mattress. "Look," Kanda started, his voice as gentle as he could make it while he slowly slipped his fingertips through the white locks, soothing the younger, "I am sorry about… what happened, it was cruel and unfair, you don't deserve it."

"So why did you?" Allen whispered quietly, his eyes downcast.

"I was just so… frustrated," the elder told him, "everything's just been happening and I just… snapped… at you. I'm so sorry I hurt you like that."

"I didn't want to make you so mad," the younger mumbled, "I just… want things to go back to normal, I want to _feel_ normal."

"You don't-"

"You all treat me like I'm going to break any second," Allen half-whispered, "and to be honest, I _feel_ like I will based on nothing more than how you all are acting around me," he sniffed, "so… I thought… if I could at least get _you _on my side, I'd be happy again."

"Lenalee and Lavi are just worried about you," Kanda told him, "you could have _died_ in that accident."

"And you?" the younger asked, the silver eyes searching cobalt, "what about you?"

"I-" the Japanese faltered as he thought about how he _truly _felt about Allen and the accident. On the one hand, the younger irritated him to no end, driving each other insane with the snippy remarks and snide comments but on the other hand, Kanda could not recall a single instant in his life where his heart had stopped as fast as it did when he heard about the accident, his fear for the younger had been almost overwhelming, the relief blissful when he saw Allen alive and healing.

"I was scared too," the Japanese confessed after a moment, his fingers gently brushing the pale cheek, "I thought… I thought that you weren't coming back."

"Idiot," Allen murmured, his body moving to slip his head into Kanda's lap, a small smile on his lips, "I'll always come back for you."

Kanda grunted softly in response, a light hand resting on his knee in front of the pale face while his gently trailed the pale locks, a trace of the red scar glaring at him.

"Say, Kanda?"

"I'm sorry."

Silver eyes turned to meet Kanda's, the elder looking away from him with his head hung.

"I'm sorry about hurting you. I-I should have kept my temper in check."

"Thank you," Allen murmured, smiling kindly up as his hands reached for Kanda's cheek, "for apologizing to me."

"It shouldn't have happened," Kanda muttered, angry at himself for the way he treated the younger, "and it won't happen again."

"I know," the younger sighed, "it just… scared me… a lot."

"I didn't mean for that to happen," the Japanese told him, "I'll just be more careful around you."

"So I guess I'll help you," Allen smiled timidly, "I'll ease up on you, for the most part… just, let me have my small victories."

"Such as?"

"Making you tea in the morning, leaning against you when were alone… small stuff like that."

"But-"

"-I won't try _that _again," Allen murmured, "or any kissing stuff… for now at least."

"You just don't give up, do you?" Kanda grumbled softly, the younger giggling lightly.

"Never have," Allen smiled, Kanda's heart quivering slightly at how easily they reached the silver eyes, the irises seem to glow from them, the fake smile entirely gone, "probably never will."

"Right," the Japanese nodded, content in their compromise as he slipped the younger off his lap, "you coming down for dinner?"

"Y-Yeah, sure," the slim body straightened up off his mattress, "just… on one condition."

"Which is?"

"Kiss me."

Kanda seemed to freeze at the request, the younger sitting up and looking at him almost determinedly.

"Wh-What?"

"Kiss me," Allen repeated, his throat swallowing his nervousness, "not… you letting me kiss you, I'm saying you kiss me… of your own choice."

"M-Moyashi-"

"Please?"

Lips pressed to a thin line as he looked to the pleading silver eyes, the mercury orbs holding no lies and only emotion, Kanda swallowing as he had never seen Allen so honest in his feelings, always hiding through a veil of false smiles and kind words.

"Only once," the Japanese conceded softly, "and no one ever finds out."

"No one ever has," Allen promised quietly, his body shuffling slightly in anticipation as Kanda sighed, his eyes glancing to the shut door before he slowly moved back to the younger, his fingers extending to gently hold Allen's jaw, the silver eyes fluttering shut at the touch, Kanda's following suit as he lowered to meet his lips to the younger's.

Kanda would've been lying to himself if he felt nothing when their lips met, the surge of electricity from their touch managed to resonate in his chest, the small hum from Allen's throat telling him that the other felt it too. Fingers found his own cheeks timidly as Allen tried to prolong the kiss, if just for a moment.

The Japanese parted from the younger too quickly for either of their liking, the mercury orbs opening to watch the taller straightening up from him, cobalt eyes meeting his before Kanda turned from Allen, his ponytail swishing over his back as he took to the door.

"Lavi and Lenalee are waiting for you for dinner," Kanda told him, "don't take too long."

Thoughts ran a million miles an hour in Kanda's head as he took to the stairs, regret and guilt nagging at the back of his mind for what he had just done, betraying the trust of Lavi and causing himself to be dishonourable, hating himself for the larger part of him being almost glad for the kiss they shared.

"So?"

Cobalt eyes looked up at the other calling his name, the face stern while the Japanese held an almost subdued expression.

"He's-"

"Right here."

Both heads turned to look up at the approaching younger, his face quickly washed to reduce his appearance and a small smile on his lips.

"Sorry," he murmured as he passed Kanda, "bit of an emotional day really."

"That's what pizza's for!" Lavi beamed, his attitude changing the minute he saw Allen's face, his arm slipping around the slim shoulders, "c'mon!"

Their dinner was almost a cheerful affair, made much more so after a suggestion of a movie night and Allen becoming happier throughout the meal, his happiness caused by Kanda noticing his attempt at reaching for him, the hand curling away at the thought of their promise. His silver eyes then widened as he felt long fingers gently squeeze his, his silver eyes flickering to the Japanese when the other two were deep in the conversation, cobalt eyes catching his for a moment before the elder sighed softly, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he let Allen squeeze his hand once more before they parted, the mood lightened by the simple action, the happiness continuing on into the night and even into Allen's dreams, a few remnants slipping into Kanda's.

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**Ha ha! got it done ^^ lemme know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ah ha! I give my Yullen fans updates ^^ sorry about the delay, but life has been, well, shit.**

**iPod is dying, as is the charger and the battery in my computer (well, not dying, but not holding 100% charge anymore) and I STILL have job troubles so I need to go BACK to my school town, not that I mind all that much... and don't worry, I'm still writing for you and my InuYasha fans.**

**And now... onto the story ^^**

* * *

The weather was beautiful and clear from the moment Kanda opened his cobalt eyes, his stiff muscles stretching while he groaned in the process, the slight crack and pop in his joints relieving to him.

His incident with Allen had been almost two weeks ago, two weeks that he had kept up his end of the bargain, giving the younger his small victories, letting him sit close to him when no one looked, letting the fingertips graze over the skin on the back of his hands, his own fingers turning to capture on impulsive and random occasions, Allen practically lighting up when that happened.

Bare feet padded softly down the carpeted stairs as the Japanese made his way to the kitchen, his hair tied into a low ponytail as he stepped to the cool tile floor, his cobalt eyes wandering around the empty kitchen with surprise, his mind wondering where the young white-haired man was.

"Morning Yuu!"

Kanda groaned at the cheery voice, his eyes scrunching closed as he deliberately avoided the bouncing red head, the morning too early to put up with, his fingers flicking on the kettle to boil.

"How'd ya sleep?" Lavi pressed, his form moving close to him, his proximity almost uncomfortable to the other.

"Fine," Kanda murmured as he filled the cup with tea leaves, "why do you ask?"

"Just… trying to find a good conversation starter to talk to you about Allen."

The Japanese seemed to still at the words, his body turning slowly to look at the redhead.

"Look, I-I get that you aren't really good friends… with anyone really… but, I-I think… I-I'm losing him…" Lavi swallowed thickly, "he'-he's just not as close as we used to be and… and I think that you two seem to be getting closer so… so maybe-"

"What exactly do you want me to do?" Kanda cut him off, his body kept calm as he could assume that Lavi knew nothing about the addled state of the younger's mind.

"Just… talk to him for me… maybe," the other looked hopeful, "take him out of the house for a bit?"

"Why do you want him out of the-"

"Lenalee and I are planning a surprise party for him," Lavi smiled, "and since you won't do it, could you at least get him out of the house and maybe talk to him about… stuff…"

"Stuff like the two of you," the dark eyebrow raised as he poured the boiling water into the cup.

"Yeah, two birds one stone and all that," the redhead smiled, "please Yuu? I don't want to lose him… not like this…"

"I… he won't listen to me," Kanda muttered, "that hasn't changed, but I'll try."

"Take him to that aquarium!" Lavi whispered excitedly, the shuffling from the floor above alerting them to the next waking member of the household, "that's where we went on our first date, that might jog his memory!"

Any protest Kanda wanted to make was cut off by a bouncy Allen practically skipping down the steps, his face bright and smiling as he entered the kitchen, his good morning greetings met with one from Lavi, Kanda remaining quiet as he sipped his tea, wondering how Lavi's suggestion was going to turn out, for both him and Allen.

* * *

"Oh wow!"

Kanda sighed at the breathed excitement spilling from the pale lips, the younger watching as the marine mammals swim slowly in the blue tanks, the black and white orcas moving calmly in their water.

"You act like you haven't seen them before," the Japanese grumbled as he checked his watch, knowing that he needed to get Allen home by seven so the party could begin to get underway.

"So?" Allen retorted, the smile that he wore since Kanda asked him to go with him to the aquarium still on his face, "I get to see you every day, doesn't make me any less happy to see you."

The Japanese said nothing to the comment, his shoulders sagging as he sighed deeply, his body moving over to stand by the younger, figuring he'd only have one change to try and get Allen back to remembering how he used to be with Lavi.

"They're so cool, aren't they," the younger murmured, "and they're so lucky, they get to live in a vast ocean, never knowing where it ends or begins."

"They live in a tank moyashi," Kanda snorted, "I'm pretty sure once they bang their head on the glass, they know where it ends."

A hand swatted at his arm, the action causing the elder to chuckle softly.

"You're such a comedian," Allen grumbled with a smile, "no, I mean-"

"I get what you mean," the Japanese smirked, "so… which one did you enjoy the most… when you first came here."

"First…" the silver eyes rolled as he searched the wreck of his mind for the answer, a smile slipping on his lips, "oh! You mean… like on our first date?"

"Sure," Kanda shrugged his shoulders, trying not to push Allen too far in the direction of them, the younger pouting before he smiled, his scarred arms reaching to grab the other's wrist.

"Let me show you!"

The Japanese said nothing as they left the large tanks, moving away from the marine mammals and leaving the seals, dolphins, and whales, the two moving down to the coral reefs, the silver eyes looking around in the large take before he seemed to light up, his hand relinquishing the other as he pointed.

"Them!"

Kanda felt like laughing at the bright orange and white clownfish that swam around in the sea anemone, it's family mingling around it.

"A clownfish," the cobalt eyes looked over at the other's, "really?"

"What's so bad about a clownfish?" Allen asked, "they're cool!"

"I would have thought you'd pick a dolphin or a sea lion," Kanda murmured, "you know, because they can do tricks."

"I think that's why Lavi likes them," the younger shrugged his shoulders, "the sea lions I mean… _he _always thought they were cool."

"How'd you know that?" the Japanese pressed gently, his tongue flicking over his lips as he watched the various colours flit around against the blue.

"He… told me once," a hand running through his hair, "though I can't remember when…" Allen smiled up at him, "I guess it doesn't really matter though."

"Right," Kanda grumbled as he chose to lapse into silence, his peripheral vision acutely aware of the eyes trained on him.

"So…" Allen started, his feet shuffling almost uncomfortably, "I-um… what's your favorite… of these guys… I-I kinda forget… accident, you know…"

"My… favorite…" the Japanese murmured, his mind stumped at the question, his interested in aquatic animals only extending to the ones draped over balls of rice, his mind shuffling through the various animals until he found one he remembered liking when he was a child, the time he was on a class trip and spent it watching the creatures float almost lazily along in their home. "Over here," Kanda gestured, the scarred fingers slipping through his as Allen followed him.

Their walk was at a languid pace, Kanda realizing that he was slowing to allow prolonged contact of their skin, skin Kanda once called cursed. Allen was only twelve when he met the fifteen-year-old Kanda, the elder already cynical and snarky, snapping at anyone he met, the younger taking it for a week at most, resorting to juvenilely running around threatening to touch the Japanese with the scarred fingers. Yet now, Kanda found he didn't mind having their skin touch, that the feeling wasn't disgusting, just different and practically radiating warmth.

"Here," Kanda murmured, his fingers still lax in the other's hand as he pointed to the large tank, several leaf-like creatures distinguishing themselves from the kelp and seaweed formations by movement.

"Leafy sea dragons?" Allen asked interested, "cool..." his silver eyes turned to look up at Kanda, "why do you like them so much?"

"I just… do," his shoulders shrugged, "they sort of just… float along, like they don't have a care in the world…"

"So you're envious?" the younger pressed, his eyebrow raised while Kanda looked down at him in confusion. "Well," Allen explained himself, "c'mon, you knew the clownfish was coming with me… but with you… I don't know… I wouldn't have thought you'd pick a carefree animal… thought you'd pick something more… like you."

"Like me how?"

Lips met his cheek as Allen kissed him briefly.

"Grounded," the younger smiled up at him, the shut silver eyes missing the faint flush on Kanda's cheeks as the Japanese turned his face away from the other.

"We… uh, we should get going," Kanda murmured, his hand tugging the other to the exit with him, Allen only too happy to follow, his lips pulling into a wider smile as the fingers tightened around his hand.

* * *

"Havn' fun Yuu?"

Kanda felt like growling at the exuberant and now drunk redhead, the beer in his hand sloshing all over his hand and almost onto the Japanese.

"A blast," his friend muttered sarcastically, "you?"

"Same!" Lavi grinned, "and Allen seems to be enjoying himself too! Looks like you got him back to his old self!"

The other merely sighed as he was thankfully left to himself, Lavi running off to meet another friend of his. Their party had been a success, Allen genuinely surprised when he walked into the room, Kanda fading into the background as he preferred, his cobalt eyes flickering over and watching the party goers, the orbs often catching sight of the happy white-haired young man at the center of attention, his own face smiling and laughing with his friends. Currently, Allen was being joined with Lavi, the red head swinging his arms over the slim shoulders as though everything was before the accident.

And now…

Guilt budded in Kanda's chest anew at the thought of how he was beginning to actually _enjoy _Allen's company and attention, almost as much as Allen enjoyed his, attention that should be Lavi's. Long hair once tucked behind his ears slipped over his shoulders as his head hung, his mind running as he wondered what the aftermath of all this would be, especially if things progressed the way they were going.

His body stood, his feet slipping away from the party, figuring that if he let himself get tangled up in all of this, it wouldn't just be two hearts broken in the process, it'd be three.

"Kanda!"

The Japanese turned to the sound of the voice, his eyes confused as he saw Allen walking up the stairs towards him, determined silver eyes meeting cobalt.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to the party?" Kanda asked, surprised at the bitterness in his voice, his narrowed eyes turning from the younger back to the hall.

"They won't miss me," Allen told him, his pace quickening as he made his way to slip in front of Kanda, his eyes tying to meet the other's, the mercury softening slightly.

"It's in your _honour_," the Japanese retorted, "I'm pretty sure they're about to do jello shots for you too, they'll miss you."

"Not as much as I miss you."

Kanda felt his eyes widen at the softness of the voice, the crown of white hair to the strong chest while mismatched hands reached to grip the white shirt, the lithe body stepping closer to the taller one, their chests pressing together.

"I've tried being forward," Allen whispered, "I've tried letting you lead, I've given _multiple _hints and I've tried backing off," the tearful silver eyes looked up at the cobalt, "one minute you're amazing and the next it's like you hate me all over again! What do you _want _from me?"

"I-I uh…"

"Is it because I'm even more broken?" the boy sniffed, "is-is it because I was stupid enough to get into the accident? Just tell me-"

"Moyashi," Kanda interrupted, his face determined before he sighed, "just-"

"-shut up and kiss me."

Warm, soft lips pressed against his, the cobalt eyes widened dramatically at both the feeling and the sight of Allen's closed eyes, worry furrowed into his brow as hands practically trembled against the shirt, Kanda feeling himself frozen as the revelation hit him that Allen was terrified of losing. Losing _him_.

Arms slowly found their way around the nearly trembling form, Kanda conceding to grant the boy just a few minutes of his fantasy, his eyes gently shutting close as he pressed back to Allen, the younger shocked for a moment before he leaned closer into Kanda, his own arms finding their place around the neck and shoulders. Kanda's feet led Allen's to his own room, the boy pressed against the shut door, his lips still kissing the elders.

The lips on the Japanese's parted, Kanda wrestling with his conscious for a moment before he threw caution to the wind, his tongue accepting the invitation and began teasing and tasting Allen, the boy moaning at the contact, the Japanese surprised that the younger's taste was better than he could have imagined. The hands around the neck pressed them closer together, Allen's legs sliding around one of Kanda's.

"Moyashi," the elder breathed once they parted, "tell me… what do you… remember… about me?"

"You're handsome," Allen whispered against Kanda's lips, "you hate the name Yuu, your kisses taste like a mixture of soba, mint, and green tea, there's a faint scent of lotus on you and," silver eyes looked up at him through impossibly long lashes, "you have me, heart and body, tailing you like some lost little puppy."

"Heart and… body?"

"Y-You've taken me… before," the younger blushed furiously, his nervousness swallowed before he pressed on, "I-I can't remember the-the date but… the moon… it was full that night and you," a hand brushed the silken dark locks that Kanda left free from his high ponytail while Allen paused, "you were… perfect."

Kanda looked down at the younger wide eyed, his heart hammering as he pieced together the meaning in the words. Allen's brain was addled, his fantasies switched from reality, meaning the boy had not only fantasized about the Japanese as his boyfriend, but about the two of them tangled in a bed, even when he had Lavi.

A head settled on the elder's collarbone, the cobalt eyes looking down to see the silver eyes droop dangerously, the body in his arms becoming heavier.

"Oi, moyashi-"

"I'm tired," the younger mumbled, his body slumping into Kanda, "I… dunno why… jus… really… tired…"

"Oi-"

Kanda bent with the exhausted boy to keep him from collapsing in a heap on the ground, his arm pressing the torso to his chest while he reacted almost instinctively, his other hand sliding under Allen's knees and hoisting the lithe form into his strong arms, the white hair remaining firmly on his chest while his gentle face looked up at the Japanese, his eyes gently shut while his lips were parted, his breathing becoming slow and even as he fell fast asleep, curiosity in Kanda's features as he wondered just what could have knocked out the boy so quickly, he tasted as though he hadn't had a drop of alcohol or anything else which left his body succumbing to exhaustion though from what Kanda hadn't a clue.

"Bakamoyashi," the elder grumbled, the frame in his arms hoisted to settle comfortably, Kanda's legs taking the two of them towards his bed, the younger settled under the covers, his white hair splaying on the pillow while the covers rose and fell with his gentle breaths, Kanda settling on the edge of the mattress to look Allen over, his fingertips unconsciously stroking the pale cheek, a soft groan emerging from the boy who rolled over into the hand, his body heavy.

"…Kan…da…"

Cobalt eyes widened at the sound of the soft voice, the half-lidded silver eyes trying to focus on him, Kanda taking a deep breath before he pressed on.

"Tell me," he swallowed before he pressed on his lips whispering to Allen's ear, "_why _do you like me so much?"

"Cause," Allen laughed softly, his lips curling upwards, "you're just… you."

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know," the boy sighed, "when… we fought… you just focused on me… no one else… you never… liked me being… fake… so… I felt like… I could be… myself… around… you."

"I was… a comfort zone?"

"Yes… and… no," Allen murmured as he slowly fell asleep, "I love… having you… like… me… it… makes me feel… good… and… happy…"

"Moyashi… Oi, Moyashi!"

Kanda looked over at the now sleeping boy, his lids gently closed while his breathing was slow and even, a small smile on his lips as he slept. Shoulders sagging, the Japanese sighed, his fingers brushing over the downy locks, the remnants of the scar peering up at him, a firm reminder that no matter how the ending played out, someone was going to end up even more broken than Allen, Kanda half wishing that it would be him so that Allen could heal.

* * *

**^^ well? Reviews please ^^**


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